It started with a Psychology Book
by Psycoticat
Summary: “The fact that it’s you asking for a book on the mind, and how it works, is disturbing enough to make Madara run in fear. What are you planning?” Naruto then gives a smile that hasn’t been seen since the painting of the Hokage Mountain...
1. Phase One

**My first attempt at writing crack fiction. The original idea was conceived on a Thursday night while working childcare. DO NOT DIS THE CHILDCARE WORKERS!!!!! My co-worker/ friend/ subordinate/ minion and I constantly hash out ideas on what would make funny crack fics. She can also be found on this site. X3 This was one of the many ideas. I usually write more serious stuff, but I thought this would be fun to try my hand at. This fic should not be more than four chapters long. There are implied pairings, but nothing serious. **

**I do not have a beta, nor have I had some one proof read. I can guarantee that there are numerous mistakes in here. You want to point them out, go ahead. I will try to fix them. If you don't like this fic, go ahead and flame. I honestly don't mind. If there is another fic out there like this, I haven't encountered it, so if you would be so kind as to send me the link that would be great. I do not intend to copy other peoples work. If there is one out there that this seems to copy, I will take this story down as to not insult the other person. If you like this, that's great.**

**---**

**"Kyuubi is talking"**

**"Normal talking"**

_Thinking to one's self_

**"_Not telling who this is yet…"_**

**Phase One…**

"Hrm… I am so bored. What to do, what to do…" Naruto looks out his office window twards the Hokage Mountain and scratches his chin. _Okay, I have finished today's paperwork, handed out today's chores and have already bothered Baa-chan today. What else can I do? _He senses a familiar chakra source outside his door and smirks. "Come in Shikamaru."

The door opens and in walks Shikamaru with a disgruntled look on his face. "Do you enjoy telling people to come in by name before they even knock? Never mind, don't answer that. Knowing you, the answer is too troublesome. Here's the book you wanted on psychology." He then narrows his eyes and stares at Naruto, "Now why did our esteemed Rokudaime want a book on psychology?"

Naruto then smirks and replies, "Are you sure the answer to that isn't too troublesome Shika?"

Shikamaru then sighs. "The fact that it's you asking for a book on the mind, and how it works, is disturbing enough to make Madara run in fear. What are you planning?"

Naruto then gives a smile that hasn't been seen since the painting of the Hokage Mountain, "Oh just a little something that might make the old fox a little more agreeable."

Shikamaru then pales and shudders and turns to leave the office mumbling, "I don't think I want to know. I really don't think I want to know."

Naruto chuckles to himself and opens up the book. "Well now, let's see what we have here…"

_**---**_

_**Three days later…**_

Not even looking up from his paperwork, "Come in Shikamaru."

Shikamaru then opens the door and sighs, "I wish you wouldn't do that. It's creepy."

"That's why I do it Shika."

"When will you make up your mind on what you call me?"

Naruto looks up from his paper work and smirks, "Never if I can help it. By the way, I am done with the book. It's over there on the shelf by Baa-chans ugly mugshot."

Shikamaru snorts and says, "You're really troublesome, you know that right?"

"Of course I am. I take great pleasure in being so."

"Forever the prankster?"

"Damn strait."

"Do I want to know what you've planned for the fox?"

"It would make Ibiki and Anko cringe."

"Trouble…"

"Some. Yes I know. Now get out of here. I need to get my paperwork done. Besides, aren't you late for your date with Temari?"

"For the last time, we are NOT dating. We work together for the Chunin exams!"

"Yeah, keep swimming in denial Shika. Now beat it."

_---_

_Drip…_

_Drip…_

_Drip…_

… _This place needs a make-over. A sewer, the area that the seal takes in my mindscape just has to be a friggen sewer. At least I know why now. Time to rub it in an egotistical old fox's face, _"Yo fox! Wake up!"

"**Insolent human! I did not call you here, nor do I want you here. Now leave!**"

"Sorry, fluffles. Not leaving. As a matter of fact I came here to see if you would change your mind and be more agreeable. You see, if you would let your chakra flow through the seal like it's supposed to, I wouldn't have so many problems with my control. So, how about? You going to stop being such a stingy bustard?"

"**Like hell, meat bag! I will do as I please and you will never have the control that you wish!**"

"You know, the seal here exists in my mindscape here. Since it is my mind, I can do whatever I want here. You might as well let things work the way they are supposed to. There are consequences for not following through with my simple little request."

"**Fuck you hairless ape!**"

"Very well then, let's see what to do…" Naruto looks up at the Kyuubi and snickers, "I just realized something. Your ears look very much like bunny ears."

"… **THEY ARE NOT BUNNY EARS!!!!!!**"

"Of course not, they are fox ears. But they look like bunny ears. Now we need to come up with the consequences for refusing my simple request."

The Kyuubi eye twitches at Naruto's response, "**And what makes you think that you can change my mind**?"

Naruto smirks and replies, "Three weeks is all I need fluffy. Three weeks."

Kyuubi snorts and says, "**If you can break my will in that amount of time, then I will agree to not only allow my chakra to flow through the seal, but to whatever else may be able to come up with in that insignificant mind of yours**."

Naruto continues to smirk and says, "I want that as a blood oath."

Kyuubi narrows his eyes, "**What makes you think I have any**?"

"It wasn't just your chakra and soul that was sealed in here you know."

"… **Very well**. " Kyuubi slices his right forepaw open and says, "**I, Kyuubi, Lord of the Bijuu swear upon my blood that if my jailor succeeds in breaking my will in three weeks, I shall agree to whatever requests he may come up with,**** as long as it does not mean my destruction**." He then glares down and sneers, "**Is that good enough ningen**?"

Naruto grins like the cat that ate the canary, "Perfect! Shall we beguine?"

"**Do your worst insect**."

"Very well. I figured we should start off with the one thing that can make an Uchiah run in fear."

"… **And what pray tell is that**?"

"Girly girls, fan girls, girls obsessed with giving make-overs..."

The next thing Kyuubi hears is a high pitched squeal and he looks down. Too his dismay there is a mob of human females with hearts in their eyes screaming kawaii. He snorts and turns to Naruto and says, "**This is supposed to scare me**?"

"Maybe you should look at what they are holding. By the way, I added a mirror so you could see what they do to you."

Kyuubi looks at the girls again and notices that they are holding brushes, combs, ribbons, bows, styling products, curling irons, curlers ext… "**What is the point of the things that they are holding**?"

"Oh, they intend to do the one thing that no strait male wants to fall victim to."

"**And that would be**?"

"A make-over." Naruto looks at the girls and says, "Have fun ladies. Oh, and before I forget, Kyuubi, the girls are indestructible. So no matter how hard you try to destroy them, they will never get hurt, or disappear."

Kyuubi snorts, "**That does not appear to be mental torture. Besides, I am Lord of the Bijuu. I deserve to treated as my rank requires**."

"Oh no, you misunderstood _usagi-_san, they intend to give you _female_ type make-over. I'll be back in a week!"

Kyuubi looks horrified as the girls swarm him and howls, "**NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!**"

---

Naruto looks over at the calendar and sighs. _It's almost been a week. First stage will be complete by tomorrow night._He looks up from his paperwork and says, "Come in Iruka-sensei."

Iruka comes in the door and states, "You enjoy weirding people out don't you."

Naruto smirks, "Of course I do. I can't go around pulling pranks anymore, so I have to get my kicks from somewhere."

"You need a girlfriend."

"So do you."

They look at each other and both sigh.

"You should ask Anko out. She'll drag you out of your monotonous rut."

"When will you go out with Hinata? She could be the calming influence you need."

"When I don't have to run in fear from Neji or her father, since whenever I go near her they try to kill me in the process."

"Sucks to be you."

"What about Anko? Your changing the subject isn't going to let you escape from my question."

Iruka sighs, "You're not going to make this easy are you?" Naruto shakes his head. "Alright, alright. She's scary. She's intimidating… Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because your making excuse to not even try. I at least have a reason."

"True… By the way, I heard Shikamaru mention your name in the same sentence with reading and a psychology book. Care to explain?"

Naruto chuckles, "I intend to make the Kyuubi be a little more agreeable concerning his chakra. He's being an ass again and this time, he is preventing his chakra from flowing through the seal like it's supposed to. Which is screwing with my control."

"Are you sure that's a wise idea?"

"He agreed to do whatever I want so long as it doesn't destroy him in the process if I can break his will in three weeks. Got it under a blood oath to boot."

"Really? So what are you doing to him?"

"Right now he is undergoing a week of complete feminine make-over by girly girls that he can't destroy or get rid of."

Iruka shudders, "That is cruel."

"I know. His royal pain in the ass also has a mirror in his cage that he can't break either. That way every time he turns around, he will get a glimpse of what they have done to him. Oh by the way, I have a few ideas on what to do for week two. Want to help me out?"

Iruka smirks, "Do I ever…"

-----------------------------------------------------

**Yeah. Phase one complete. Wonder what Iruka and Naruto come up with for phase two?**


	2. Phase Two

**Mwah ha ha hah! Okay, I suck at evil laughter. But anyways, I win my little minion! You better hurry up with that fluffy fic that you said you would write if I ever wrote a crack fic!**

**Now moving on to the subject at hand, I would like to thank those of you who tagged my fic in one form or another. I also thank those of you who reviewed. Especially you, my minion. I will never quit calling you that on this site. Now write my fluffy fic!**

**(cough, cough) I have gone back to the first chapter and fixed as many mistakes that I could find. I also made sure that I went over this chapter with a fine toothed comb as well. I am pretty sure that I missed stuff again but that is a given. I am better at catching things outside of my own work, but that goes for everyone though I believe. Oh well. I hope you enjoy this next installment of my little fic.**

**Since I haven't gotten any messages saying that I stole some ones idea, I am guessing I am in the safe zone. However, I could still be wrong. So I say again, if there is something out there that is just like this let me know and I will be more than happy to remedy the issue.**

**NOTE:**** If you are not that far into the Shippuden series of Naruto, then there is a bit of a spoiler here. Please don't kill me. I am still disappointed in the fact that a certain character that I dislike is not dead yet. However, he is mentioned in this fic, and tortured, but he is not the Kyuubi. Though the mention here might inspire a spinoff one shot. (insert evil grin here)**

**So on with the story…**

---

"**Kyuubi is talking"**

"Normal talking"

_Thinking to one's self_

"_**Not telling who this is yet…"**_

**Phase Two**

"You sure this will work Iruka-sensei?"

"Would you want to go through all of that?"

"Hell no. You think Ibiki would get a kick out of this?"

"More than likely. We all know how he likes to break minds."

"Too true. By the way, where on earth did you come up with the idea of the dancing slippers?"

Iruka snorted, "From a cartoon that I saw as a kid. I wouldn't be surprised if there is an actual myth about it somewhere. I like your idea about the body suit with a tutu."

"I know, I got the idea from seeing 'The Nutcracker.'"

"How on earth did you get dragged to a ballet with Shizune?"

"I'll let you know when I figure that one out. I do remember her mentioning something that I need to show that I have a more cultured side to the public."

Iruka just looks at Naruto, "… You and pranks go together. You and complete destruction go together. You making people who are out to kill you into your friends is almost common place. But you and cultured?"

Naruto glares at Iruka, "Yeah, well who asked you?"

"No one. "

"So what was the original reason you stopped by here anyways?"

"Oh yeah, here." Iruka hands over a file. "This is the results of the students who passed this year's gennin exams."

"Thanks. As much as I enjoyed this distraction, I really need to get back to my paper work."

Iruka gives Naruto a long glance, "How do get through it so fast?"

Naruto smirks, "You can stand in line to get that answer."

"Damn."

---

Naruto walks up to the cage and sits back and watches the fox throw off the girls left and right trying to escape hair curlers and ribbons. Unfortunately, no matter how hard he tried to make them go away, they were still successful in grooming and styling his fur. He had ribbons tied to his ears and tails, curlers attached to fur on his tails that where being removed in to make his fur seem fluffier. His teeth had been cleaned and his claws had been manicured and painted glitter gold. He also had a giant gold bow tied behind his head. In all, the oversized demon fox looked more like a giant rabbit eared fluffy kitten model. It took all of Naruto's will power not to laugh.

"**WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE THEM DIE**?!"

_(snort) I wonder how long it will take him to realize that I am here?_

"**YOU! HOW LONG DO YOU INTEND TO STAND THERE AND WATCH**?!"

"Long enough for you to notice me. I have been here for the past 20 minutes. Not that it maters." Naruto looks at the girls and smiles. "Ladies, I must say, I like Usagi-chans new look. It suits him rather well…"

"**I AM NOT A RABBIT**!"

"Anyways, I have one last request of you all before I dismiss you all." Naruto then concentrates and a strange pile of pink items materialize behind them. "You see that pile behind you all?"

The girls all nod and some wander over to the mysterious pile and squeal kawaii.

Kyuubi then looks over at the pile and shudders, "**Oh HELL no. There is no way I will**…"

Naruto ignores Kyuubi and continues with his instruction to the girls, "You see ladies, I would like for you to dress Kyuubi up in his new outfit that matches the ribbons and bows that you have so generously adorned his body with. Once that is done, I am sorry to say, that you will have to leave."

"**NO! YOU WILL NOT PUT ANYTHING ON ME! NOT NOW OR EVER**!"

"I am afraid you do not have a choice in the matter fluffy butt. You agreed to allow me three weeks to try and break you. You wouldn't want to get out that you went back on your _word_ now would you? No one would ever take you seriously."

"**No one will ever take me seriously if they ever see me like this**!"

"Considering that this is in my mindscape, and I can't draw worth beans, how am _**I**_ supposed to show anyone what is going on in here?"

"**I hate you**."

"The feeling is mutual you overgrown bastard. Hrm, it looks like that the ladies are going to need a little assistance in getting your new wardrobe on." Naruto then concentrates and Kyuubi glows a faint shade of blue.

"**WHY CAN'T I MOVE YOU BALD BLOND PRIMATE**?!!"

"How else are the ladies going to put your nice new outfit? By the way, if I am bald, how am I blond?"

Kyuubi looks down at the girls and howls, "**NOOOOOOOOOO**!!!!!" He continues to rant and swear as the girls get the bright neon pink body leotard on him with a shiny gold tutu over it. Kyuubi then notices to his horror that there are four matching ballet slippers that are the same color gold as the tutu. He turns to Naruto as the girls force his paws into the shoes and laces them up his legs, "**What madness is this**?"

"Simple. They are magical dancing slippers that force you to dance non-stop. Even in your sleep."

Kyuubi looks at him in horror and asks, "**Makes me dance**?"

"Of course. As a matter of fact, you will be dancing to the music from a ballet known as 'the Nutcracker'. I considered making you dance to 'The Russians Sailors Dance' but that was in my opinion too masculine. Then again, there is always the routine's that I have seen a group called 'Riverdance,' but they prefer to focus on lower body then full body. So 'The Nutcracker' it is."

Kyuubi looks at Naruto in complete shock, "**Since when have you ever been interested in that stuff**?"

Naruto sighs and snaps, "Since it seems of general opinion that I am not cultured enough to set a good example in my role of leadership. But that is beside the point." Naruto then looks over at the ladies and sees that they have completed their task of dressing up the Kyuubi.

"**…**"

"…" Naruto suddenly bursts out laughing. "Ha ha hah! So much for your masculinity now, eh fox?"

Kyuubi's eye twitches, "**Remove the seal and we will so who remains laughing**."

"Ha ha hah, no." Naruto stops laughing and concentrates on the landscaping in the cage.

Kyuubi looks around in his cage and cringes at the mirrors, props, lights and speakers that appear in his cage. "**I will flood you with a chakra and kill you for this**."

"That will break the blood agreement that you made and I will win by default."

"**You can't enforce it**."

"Your right, but I am pretty sure the one who powered the seal on your cage would have a field day with you if you stop his entertainment."

"… **There is no way you could get his attention without dying**."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that. I looked at the seal that my father used to seal you and tweaked so I could get his attention without actualy summoning him."

"…" Kyuubi looks down at Naruto in shock. In a strangled voice he asked, "**He came**?"

"As a matter of fact he did. He was curious to see as to why a mortal, such as myself, would even want his attention. So I told him." Naruto smiles a sickly sweet smile and continues, "He seemed very intrigued by the whole idea that he created a direct visual link to the seal so that he can see everything that is going on. Apparently he gets bored and this is something no one has attempted before and he wanted see it."

"**No, no way. It's not fair…**"

"And the hell that you made my life is?"

"**You said you couldn't show anyone what was going on in here**!"

"That's right. _**I**_ can't, but who's to say that the Lord Shinigami won't be more than happy to spread your humiliation to the wind?"

"**Can I concede now**?"

"No." Naruto then turns to the girls and says, "Sorry girls, it is time to leave." The girls fade out of existence and Naruto turns back to the Fox. "I probably should start the music now…" He then closes his eyes and concentrates again and music starts. "I hope you give the Lord Shinigami a good showing!" He then fades from his mindscape just before…

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**"

---

Five Days Later…

Naruto is looking out his office window at the stormy skies and says, "Come in Ibiki."

The door opens and Ibiki walks in and closes the door behind him. "Why do insist on calling people in the second their hand is a hair away from knocking on your door?"

"Because I find it amusing to hear people complain when I do it. So how has the teme been doing?"

"The traitor refuses to cooperate. I have tried everything that I could think of with him to 'encourage' him."

Naruto turns around and looks at Ibiki. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair and stops all of a sudden. A mischievous glint appears that makes Ibiki shudder in fear. "You know, I have a bet going on with the Kyuubi."

Ibiki raises an eyebrow at that little statement, "Really? Who is winning?"

"I am at the moment. I just thought of something though. It might work on the pasty emo. It is what I have been planning on doing for the final stage to break the fox."

"… If it has any chance of breaking the old demon I can only imagine what it would do to the human mind." Ibiki smirks sadistically. "Sharing is caring and all that…"

"Indeed. Here is what I was thinking…"

---

**Cliffy! You will all have to guess what I have in store for the old fox. I must say that final part is my favorite. You will all have to wait to find out! (insert more failed evil laughter here)**

**Sorry about the wait though. Been busy with Christmas and everything. I have two more chapters to write for this. I like reviews. Would love to see more. XD**

**Other than my minion, can anyone guess what will be used to break the Kyuubi? You will get imaginary cookies for it. Not that I could give you much else I am afraid…**


	3. Phase Three

**DMS, You keep telling yourself that. I have permanently dubbed you my minion. Tell the cookie thief to get off his lazy rear and read this and not have you tell him. Still waiting on that fluffy fic you angst writer you.**

**(cough cough) I should probably get back to doing my normal spiel before the chapter, but I would probably wind up repeating myself. X3 Not that it matters, but hey, who reads this part anyways? Other than my minion, which every chapter she reviews has to say she isn't. I love giving her a hard time. Oh yea, I am rambling. Ha ha!**

**I haven't gotten any guesses on what form of mental torment the old fox would be experience in this one, but I must say, this one will be the more, interesting of the three. **

**My stance is still there if there is another pre-existing story out there that I will do what is proper. Just send me a direct link. ^_~**

**This will be my longest chapter yet.**

**NOTE:**** If you are not that far into the Shippuden manga series of Naruto, then there is a bit of a spoiler here. Please don't kill me. **

**Phase Three Commence!**

"**Kyuubi is talking"**

"Normal talking"

_Thinking to one's self_

"_**Could this be the **__**Shinigami**__**? Maybe it is…"**_

**Phase Three**

"'_**This is gold. Pure gold. I wonder if the blond gaki would like a copy of this…"**_ He sits there eating his bowl of popcorn in front of his TV. On his screen is the Kyuubi with a rather dejected expression with tears streaming down his muzzle while executing some rather complicated movements. _**"Ouch, didn't know the old fox cold bend like that…"**_ He turns and looks at a group of people who were now in the room, _**"Glad the five of you decided to come. Here, have some popcorn."**_ He then hands them all their own bowls of popcorn.

A blond man looks suspiciously at the lord of death and then at the bowl of popcorn, "Not to sound rude or anything, but what exactly is going on? The last time I met you, well, you were rather annoyed with me."

"_**You woke me up from my nap."**_

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"_**Don't look at me like that. Check out the TV. You will all get a kick out of it."**_

A lanky silver haired man blinked, and blinked again. "Is that what I think it is?"

"_**Yes, that is the Kyuubi."**_

An older gentleman just stared and then said, "Is that a pink leotard with a gold tutu?"

"_**That would be correct, Sarutobi."**_

A red haired woman listened to the music and asked, "Is he dancing to 'The Nutcracker?'"

The Shinigami smirks and replies, _**"Correct again."**_

The final man with long white hair was on the ground. Laughing. In between his fits of laughter he gasps out, "The gaki… sure has a… wild imagination."

"_**That he does. He is also very creative."**_ He then turns to the blond haired man and says, _**"Did you know he managed to tweak the seal that you created to grab my attention, without actually summoning me, Minato?"**_

"HE DID WHAT?"

"_**Don't worry about it. He didn't actually summon me. That means, he didn't have to pay the price. I went because I was curious as to why one such as he would even want my attention. Turns out, he wanted to humiliate the old fox, but didn't have the power to hold the fox to anything. He figured since I powered the seal, that I might be interested, not to mention the amusement I could potentially get from seeing the prick being taken down a few notches. He guessed correct on that. Mostly because I am bored."**_

They all looked at him and then at the TV and start to laugh.

"It looks like he inherited your sense of humor Kushina."

"Blame it all on me huh? I bet he is as stubborn as you are when it comes to jutsu's."

"He is. He was always saying 'Teach me, teach me.' He wouldn't leave me alone until I gave him something to do."

"Is that why it took so long to come out with your last book Jiraiya-sama?"

"You and ero-sensei better not have corrupted my son, Kakashi-baka."

Jiraiya, Sarutobi and Kakashi all looked at her and deadpanned at the same time, "Your son is a pervert basher, Kushina."

"What do you mean?" asked Minato.

Sarutobi shuddered, "He created a jutsu that is capable of knocking out any strait perverted man."

Kushina looked at him, "Really? What is it?"

"_**You five can talk about that later. I called you here to watch an old fox's ultimate humiliation."**_

Kushina sighed and sat down on the couch and said, "Fair enough. Wonder what else he will do to the fox…"

---

Ibiki looks at Naruto in horror and awe.

"Well, are you just going to stand there looking at me like that, or are you going to tell me what you think?"

He continues to look at him with a new found respect mixed with the excitement of a kid told he could raid a candy store for free. "That has to be the most ingenious form of mental torture I have ever heard. What made you think of using that?"

"Have you ever been caught between them when that is going on?"

"No, can't say that I have. Not that I would want to." He shudders and looks at Naruto and smiles like a loon, "So, this is what you had planned to do to the Kyuubi?"

"Yeah. Oh, before you go, do not use this on any other prisoner until you have finished with the teme. As soon as you're done, come back and tell me how it goes. I have a feeling on how it will, but I would rather have concrete knowledge of what this will do."

"Fair enough." Ibiki squints at Naruto and asks, "I've been meaning to ask you, how do you get through paper-work so fast?"

"Go Ibiki."

Ibiki then leaves pouting.

_Maybe I should look into getting one of those number deals and attach it to a flash tag for the next time someone asks me that. That way, when I say, take a number on my secret… Heh heh heh, maybe a mild shock tag would be better. Don't want to actually kill anyone…_

---

One Day Later…

"Come in Ibiki."

Ibiki enters the office and stairs. "…" He then sighs and continues, "I take it there is no getting you to stop your own form of torment on the masses is there?"

"Nope. I have also found a new one. I'll tell you about that one later. First things first, how did it go?"

Ibiki grins like the cat that got the canary, "Beautifuly. Within 30 seconds he started telling us what he knew of the snake sannins hideouts, bases, labs and experiments. He also told where the remaining pockets of the akatsuki where hidden. Not to mention that he admitted his sexuality, his favorite food, and anything else that came to mind. Oh, and the fact that he likes to use strawberry bubblegum scented shampoo."

"30 seconds huh?"

"30 seconds. Right now he is curled up in the fetal position and mumbling something about cute fluffy bunnies with bazookas." (AN: I have no intention of explaining this to the masses. This is an inside joke between myself, and those who know me.)

"I suggest that this be used as a last resort."

"But…"

"No buts, Ibiki. If this can make the bastard say cute, then, well, you know, I don't even want to contemplate it."

"But…"

"As a matter of fact, you will have to get my authorization to use this Ibiki."

"But that's not fair!"

"I didn't say that you could never use it again, you just have to ask me first."

Ibiki looks at his feet like a little kid who was just told that he couldn't play with his favorite toy anymore and pouts.

"… Ibiki, please don't pout any more. It's disturbing."

"I just have to ask you first?"

"Yes."

"…"

"…"

"One more thing."

Naruto raises an eyebrow in question.

"How long does Kyuubi have to go through that?"

"A week."

"…"

"Phase three starts in one more day."

"I wish I could watch."

"Go back to work Ibiki."

He grins and says, "Yes sir!"

---

One Day Later…

"**Make it stop, please, just make it stop! It hurts, it hurts so damn much**!"

_Kyuubi is crying. Ha! Never thought I would see the day. Time to add salt to the already open wound._ Naruto continues to watch the old fox dance away. As soon as the he was forced to jump high into the air by the slippers, Naruto snapped his fingers making everything go back to the way it was before the bet started. This caused the Kyuubi to crash into the ground rather painfully.

"**That hurt**…" He then looks up and notices that everything had gone back to the way they were supposed to be. No more music, no more slippers, no more props, leotards and tutus. Most importantly, he had returned to how he looked before his make-over. He then turns and looks past the bars and sees a rather smug looking Naruto standing there laughing. He twitches. "**I. Hate. You.**"

Naruto manages to calm down and replies, "Tell me something that I don't already know. So, did you have fun?"

Kyuubi just looks at him like he grew a second head, "**Oh hell no**."

"I am glad to hear." He looks up and smiles, "Ready for round three?"

"…"

"What, _**ningen**_ got your tongue?"

"**Can't I give in**?"

"No. I am not done yet. You may claim to have given in, but how do I know that I have broke your will yet? You're a friggen demon. If I accept your resignation in the bet, before breaking you, you still win. I am not as stupid as I make myself out to be ass hole."

"…" The fox looks up and smirks, "**I suppose you have gotten smarter over the years. However, you still won't win. As humiliating and degrading the last two weeks were, they have not broken me**." He looks back down at Naruto, "**You have not won yet**."

"No, but I still have a week left, and a hand full of aces."

A dark aurora suddenly appeared in the seal and then materialized into what could only be one being, "_**Are you going to do to him what you did to the sole surviving Uchiha?"**_

"…" **O.o (**ha ha, Kyuubi is screwed**)**

Naruto smirks and replies, "Of course."

"_**Mind if I take that idea for the deepest pits of my domain?"**_

Kyuubi starts to sweat and scoots to the back of his cage, "**Are you sure I can't back out of this**?"

"_**You sealed your bet in blood Kyuubi. I am leaving now. Remember Fox I a watching. You try to get out of this last week early, and the mortal here wins by default. Oh and before I forget, I am making a recording of this. In return for snitching your idea of torment, you will get a copy of what occurred in here."**_

"Sweet." Naruto looks back at the Shinigami and asks, "You've already tested it haven't you?"

"_**As a matter of fact, yes. I tried it on a few of my more, evil residents. They lasted about ten seconds. Your Uchiha pet**_ (AN: Bad joke intended) _**lasted longer."**_

Naruto laughs and turns to the Kyuubi, "I hope you're ready for round three bunny-chan."

"_**As amusing as it is to stay here and make the fox sweat, I am going back to my TV to finish recording what occurs in here. I will return to confirm the bet when this week is up. As well as give you a copy of my recording of this. I must thank you by the way. This whole bet of yours has been quite entertaining. Good bye for now."**_

Naruto rubs his hands together in anticipation and smiles at the old bijuu. He closes his eyes in concentration and pulling on his own memories to make sure that he gets everything right. All the way down to the smallest detail.

Kyuubi notices that the air starts to shimmer in his cage. The next thing he knows is that there is a sunset over the ocean in his cage and that he is standing on a cliff. He also notices to large shadowed figures in his cage with him. He then looks down at Naruto, "**This is supposed to scare me how**?"

Naruto opens his eyes to look back at him, "Who said I was done yet?" He then closes his eyes again and goes back to concentrating.

The next thing that the bijuu noticed was that he was wearing a full body green spandex suit with orange legwarmers. His eye twitches and he looks back at the human in front of him, "**What is this**?"

"Oh, you don't like it? But I thought it would help you out with getting to know your two new room-mates."

"**And who would that be**?" Kyuubi asked with a sinking fealing.

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

The two shadowed figures revealed themselves to be Lee and Gai. Unfortunately for the old fox, the two eccentric taijutsu masters were not wearing their normal attire. They were wearing green speedos. He then proceeded to have a full body twitch and his tails bushed out. "**Oh Fucking HELL NOOOOO!!!!!!**"

"Oh yes Kyuubi. You get to experience the joys of YOUTH! Buh bye now!"

Kyuubi just stood there in shock at the spot that Naruto just disappeared from. He then looked at the youthful beasts of Konoha. The next thing he knew he was glomped on both sides by happily crying grown men screaming about youth and how it is an honor that he decided to join them in spreading the flames of youth. (AN: Gag, I hate typing youthful crap.)

"**KILL ME NOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!**"

"BUT THAT WOULD BE SO UNYOUTHFUL!"

---

**Six Days Later…**

_I hate rain. Especially winter rain. At least I finally got today's paper work done. Ah, someone comes to visit little o' me. _"Come in Gaara."

The door opens, "Fun isn't it."

"That it is. That it is my friend. To what do I owe this visit?"

"Bored. I also heard that you have a bet going on. With the Kyuubi at that. So what insanity have you been up to now?"

"Oh a little of this and that. If you really want to know I have been informed that I will be getting a copy of everything that the old fox has been going through."

"Really? How is that being pulled off since I know for a fact that the fox is in the seal and you can't get a recording device in there."

"Oh, apparently due the fact that I have given the shinigami some very interesting entertainment, he offered to give me a copy of his personal recording of it."

"…"

"What?"

"You've talked with the shinigami and are still alive?"

"Would I be here if I wasn't?"

"With you, we can never tell."

"…" Naruto sighs and looks at the ceiling, "I am very much alive Gaara."

"If you say so. So what was the bet about?"

"That if I could break his will that he would stop screwing with my control."

"Huh. And how do you plan on keeping the Kyuubi to his end?"

"That's where the shinigami comes in."

"Do I want to know how you got his attention?"

"It has to do with a summoning seal and a bunch of stuff that would take too long to explain."

"Uh huh. So when do you get the recording?"

"When everything is said and done. Why, you want to see it?"

"I think just about everyone would want to see it."

"If you don't mind sticking around for another day or so, you'll get your chance."

Gaara looks out the window of Naruto's office, "I think I will. I don't care for traveling in the rain anyways."

Naruto smirks and says, "Fair enough my friend, fair enough."

---

**Meh, not sure I like how this chapter turned out. Oh well. Life stinks like that. Wasn't too sure how I wanted to approach this chapter anyways. I think the ending sucks. But no one asked me. So yeah. **

**I also noticed that I have spelled a particular name wrong in previous chapters. I am too lazy to go back and fix it. So sue me for nonexistent pennies. Hah!**

**One more chapter to go.**

**Review or flame away. Just something more than a line would be nice.**

**Psycoticat out.**


	4. NOTICE!

**I am sorry to say that the final chapter is being postponed. I have a rather extreme family emergency going on right now concerning my father. Once that is resolved I will finish typing the final chapter of the story. I can not finish it when I am more concerned for his health. I have not forgotten this fic. It WILL be completed. I am sorry for those of you who are waiting for the final update.**

**My apologies,  
Psycoticat**

**P.S.~  
Thank you for the reviews and everything.**


	5. The End

**My family emergency turned out, well, bad. My father passed away on the 23****rd**** and I have been going through his papers and stuff trying to make sense of everything. I won't go into too many details, but his passing was due to lack of oxygen to the brain and heart complications. I will miss him dearly. There are many reasons why it has taken me so long to finish this. Most of it because of funeral arrangements, and trying to figure out what is going to happen to my younger sister who is still in high school. One big happy crappy mess. I am finishing this fic as an escape of reality that just seems to love to bite me in the butt consistently.**

**Enough of my reasons and on with my pre-fic monolog. X3**

**I honestly don't have much to say this time round other than thank you to those of you who reviewed my story. I never thought it would do as well as it has been. **

**Back on subject now. This is the final chapter. I think I like how this fic turned out. I think I may even try my hand at the one shot opening that I left myself from the last chapter.**

**Still waiting on my minions HAPPY fluffy fic. I love calling her my minion. It is fun. Besides, I AM the one who signs her time card so she can get paid… **

**Moving on, I have plans for a one shot spin off of this fic. I must humiliate a certain character other than Kyuubi. Why? Because it is fun. It may be a while before I get to it. Maybe a few months. I have a lot of crap to go through concerning my father's estate and all that crap.**

**It's kind of funny; I am over 20 years old. You would think that I would be over the phase of hating a two dimensional figure drawn on paper. However I have encountered one that needs to die many horrible deaths. I won't kill him in my one shot, but I WILL humiliate him. =D**

**ON WITH THE FIC!!!!!!!!!**

"**Kyuubi is talking"**

"Normal talking"

_Thinking to one's self_

"_**Shinigami**__** speaking…"**_

**Time to pay the Piper**

"**KILL ME NOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!"**

"BUT THAT WOULD BE SO UNYOUTHFUL!"

"**IT'S WRONG! NO ONE SHOULD WEAR THAT MUCH GREEN!!!!!"**

"BUT GREEN IS THE COLOR OF GROWTH AND GROWTH COME'S FROME BEING YOUTHFUL!!!!!!"

"**I HATE YOU NARUTO!!!!!!"**

"BUT HE IS THE EPITOME OF HARD WORK AND YOUTH!!!!"

"**AAAARRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**

**---**

In another realm there are six people watching the Kyuubi's current predicament.

The collective expression of the people watching the Kyuubi: O.o

"_**Ha ha haha hah hah!"**_

Sarutobi looks at the screen in awe, "I would not wish those two on anyone."

Minato looks at him and asks, "Then why the hell did you put them on the same team with two other people?"

"Because they were the only ones who had a chance of surviving them,"

Kakashi looks at the two kage's and deadpanned, "Right. One has a fetish with fate and the other with all things sharp and pointy. They are no more sane then Gai and Lee. Just more tolerable to be around."

"Shinigami-sama, are you going to do that the Orichimaru?"

"_**He was one of the ones I tested it on Kushina."**_

Jiraiya looked at the two of them and shuddered, "I would think he would enjoy something like that."

The Shinigami snorts and says, _**"It was the genjutsu that drove him over the edge into the fetal position."**_

"Ah. Yeah. Too peaceful for him I guess."

Minato looks at the screen and looks at the VCR, "This isn't current is it?"

"_**No it isn't. Why, you want to see what is currently going on?"**_

There was a collective silence again. Then a collective response, "Yes."

"_**You people are no fun."**_ He then grabs his remote and fixes it so they can see what is currently going on in the cage. _**"Happy now?"**_

"Yes. "

---

_**Meanwhile…**_

Back in the Hokage's office Naruto is about sit down to meditate to reenter the seal when his door gets kicked in and a bunch of people lead by Gaara enter his office.

"You're paying for that door, Gaara."

"Don't care. Is it time yet?"

"Is that what you all came in here for?"

"Yes."

"I was about to enter the seal when you all barged in here."

"So you don't have the tape yet?"

"NO!" Naruto then takes a deep breath, "I would appreciate it if you all left my office so I can have peace and quiet. As soon as I get the tape, I will let you know. AND. NOT. UNTILL. THEN."

"You're a cruel man to make us all wait like that."

"You will get over it or I keep the tape for myself. Now out."

---

_**Inside the seal…**_

Naruto walks up to the cage and watches the two men instruct the Kyuubi in youthfulness and shudders. _Man, never thought I would see the day the old fox would curl up in a ball, sucking on his tails whimpering for his mommy. … Does he even have one?_ He then looks at the Gai and his mini me and makes them disappear. He turns back to the Kyuubi and say's, "Yo fox it's over!"

The fox takes one look at Naruto and screams like a little girl and runs to the back of the cage. He then returns to the same position that he was in a few moments ago and whimpers for his mommy again.

"Wow. Just wow. I knew it would be effective, but this, there are no words to describe it."

"_**Agreed mortal."**_

Naruto jumps and turns around, "You enjoy doing that don't you?"

"_**As much as you do calling people in before they knock on your door."**_ The Shinigami turns to the Kyuubi and smirks, _**"It appears that you have won the bet."**_ He then turns back to Naruto, _**"You have brought me great amusement mortal. As well as a few others I might add. As I promised, a recording will be on your desk sealed in a scroll. Since the old fox is no longer capable of making a coherent descision, I will tweak things to what you have requested."**_

"Thank you Shinigami-sama."

"_**No nead. I have not laughed that much in a long time. Not to mention the fact that I have a new way of tormenting tainted souls thanks to you."**_

"I am glad I could be of service."

**"… Sure you are."**

"What? You don't trust me? I am hurt."

The Shinigami snorts in amusement, _**"And I am a monkey's uncle. We both got something we wanted. It was a mutual partnership that benefited us both. Don't give me any respectful crap. We both know what you really think."**_

"Touché."

"… _**It was fun though. Mind if I call upon your twisted mind if I should ever need humiliate and break someone?"**_

"Only if I can get a recording of it."

"_**You need a new hobby."**_

"So do you."

"… _**Perhaps."**_ His eyes grew distant for a moment, _**"I have other places to be, so I am taking my leave. Oh, and don't show up in my realm anytime soon."**_

Naruto raises an eyebrow at that, "Wasn't planning on it."

"_**Good to hear. Good bye mortal."**_

"Good bye, Shinigami-sama."

---

Naruto opens his eyes and sees the scroll on his desk. He opens it up and unseals the tape inside and grins sadistically. He then picks up the tape and heads out to his balcony. When he gets out there he sees a huge crowd waiting. He smirks and holds up the tap for all to see and says, "Anyone who wants to see the Kyuubi suffer a mental break down meet me at the academy recreational center." He then disappears in a yellow flash.

---

**Okay, crappy way to end it, but there it is. I am now going back to real life and all to deal with the aftermath. It was fun writing this. I hope you all enjoyed reading it.**

**~Psycoticat**


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